I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
