He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
