what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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