lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
