come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
