morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
