I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
