Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
