i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
