I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
