i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
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I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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