im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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