dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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