Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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