so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
