i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
