You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
