sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Text me some of your sweat
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize