I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
