Christians are straight up FREAKS
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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