Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
