I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
