I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
