you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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