did you get engaged???
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
