she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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