I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Mom said you looked used
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
