Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
