I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sober January is a disaster.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
