I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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