I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
