Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
