Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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