Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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