please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
