I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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