I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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