so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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