Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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