I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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