i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
