I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize