I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
