id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
