I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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