I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
