He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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