If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
