Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
