And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We got so high we made milksteak
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He passed out mid-signature
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
