I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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