how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
