I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
