he shaved USA in his pubs
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
