I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
