Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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