I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
