I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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