She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
