Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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