so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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