You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
