and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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