the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
