I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
