Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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