Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
