Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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