I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Welp...herpes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
