Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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