Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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