I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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