We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't deserve a penis
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
